So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
