Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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