im drinking this country out of the recession.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
