70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
