got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
