sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
