it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
