I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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