Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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