I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
