i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
