Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
