I am spending my child support on dildos
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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