the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Houston, we have a squirter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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