can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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