it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So much rum. So many feels.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
