i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
