i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
