I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
