Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
