At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
