You're a womanizer and a bitch.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
