I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
