do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
