before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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