well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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