someone threw a dead crab at me
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
