i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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