Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
