Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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