There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
