This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
