Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
