Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
