Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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