Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
