My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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