Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
