there were more penises there than on chat roulette
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
