At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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