the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
