I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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