I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize