How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
