I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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