My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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