just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
