I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
