David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
