its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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