operation harelip BJ is a go
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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