True but thats because hes a fetus.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Congratulations! We have a period
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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