In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
